13 January 2009

someone pleeeeease help me!

Finn is such a sweetheart. He is so mellow and content most of the time. He goes down for naps great. For the first few weeks of his life he woke to eat 2 times a night. Then he would wake once to eat around 5:00 and once again in the early morning for his soother. Life was good.
Then about three weeks ago he started waking up at 2:00 to eat. Not that great, but I could deal with it while we are renovating Roman's new room. (Finn is still in my bed)
Now he is waking more and more. The soother doesn't work. Rocking doesn't work. Last night he was up at 4:00 and never really slept much until I gave up at 7:30 and just got up. He's not teething yet. He's not sick. And technically he shouldn't be in a growth spurt. (although my kids are actually constantly in growth spurts!)
What do I do?
I am having a panic attack right now. Flashbacks of the first year and a half of Roman's life. He slept through the night (one feed) at about 3 months. At 4 months we moved from Edmonton to Raymond and had to stay with my parents for 2 months until we took possession of our house. He stopped sleeping through the night when we moved. I don't know if it was the move, or coming back into our room that did it. So every time he woke up I fed him. I couldn't let him cry or he woke up the whole house. Then started the year of him sleeping in our bed at some point every night. I didn't get any sleep until he was about a year and a half old.
I can't do that again. I know sleepless night are all part of being a mom. But I can't do it. I can't do it when I have a baby who has been such a good sleeper until now. It's just not fair!
I have a friend who's kids sleep in her bed until 6, 7, or 8 months and then they transfer seamlessly to their own bed. So that is what I thought I would try with Finn. Not working anymore. Roman's room is almost done. If we work hard we might be able to get it done in a week and a half. But then what? Finn has his own room but he isn't sleeping!
I have another friend who went to a specialist - not sure what the "specialists" training is. She was told when a baby reaches a certain weight, not age, they can physically go for 11 hours without eating. And you should let them cry at night. So she did this with her 4 month old and it worked. Not sure how long it took.
But I think I may be there. Be that desperate to let a 4 month old - who is stuck in one position because he is too content to bother learning to roll over, who never really cries but on the odd occasion he does it is a wailing shrieking desperate cry - cry thought the night for a week or so on the hope that he will learn to sleep. Be that desperate if that doesn't work to possibly get a 1 1/2 hour $200 phone consultation with this specialist to try to get some help.
Is that crazy?
We are hoping to sell our house this spring. We will be living with my parents while we build a house. I really really need him sleeping by then.
What do I do?


shawna said...

I hope I can help- my 8 month old was not sleeping through the night until about the age of 6 months and I think I was the reason why. He is our second, so i was always scared he would wake his sister up. I went to him as soon as he started stirring. Then I had monitor issues and had to put the baby monitor in the hall between the two kids rooms. Now I could not hear Reed unless he was ALL THE WAY crying. And as soon as this happened, he started going longer and longer at night I think when I went to him it just woke him up more. Now he sleeps till about 7 when I hear him talking. He may wake up at night- but I dont know it. It is hard to get used to not hearing the monitor- I still peak in on him a few times a night. I also started adding a little rice to his last bottle around Thanksgiving. Good luck! I know how exhausted you must be.

Nancy said...

As an old mom and a former pediatric nurse I agree with shawna. Get a routine, put him to bed, check on him (without him seeing or hearing you) and let him cry it out. remove the monitor and you will sleep better and he will learn to soothe himself. Yes, it is hard, but very necessary for both of you to get a good nights sleep.

Melissa said...

OK so Brody was sleeping through the night at 2 months then at around 6 months he decided to wake up 2-3 times a night and it didn't stop until he was 14 months or so. But at 9 months we took him to the dr. and found out he had a really bad ear infection. So the poor kid probably had this infection for months and id didn't even know. He NEVER pulled his ear. The infections would never leave even with anti-biotics, so after several months of this chronic infection he had tubes out in. And ever since has never got up in the night. Rule out any ear infections before you let him scream himself to sleep. But if he's all good let him cry his little eyes out, it totally sucks but it works. Peyton has been the BEST sleeper because of this. GOOD LUCK!!!

Brittany said...

oh whit reading this is like reading my life lately...maybe there is something in the atmosphere that is causing these good babies to not sleep. If your find the solution let me know...it is hard not to want to love and cuddle those cute little kids. Good Luck!!

Allison said...

The same thing happened with Eli. I just emailed you a copy of this digital book to read on the subject. Read it. It helped me so much. The info in it is pretty basic, but sleep deprivation keeps you from seeing the obvious sometimes. Good Luck!

Just Rhonda said...

My sleeping advice:
check his ears to be sure
move him to his own room with OUT a monitor and only get him up when he is REALLY crying
routine, routine, routine of reading the SAME book at the same time, singing the SAME song and laying them down

Life Is Golden said...

Don't hate me... cause I've heard some really negative opinions about what I'm about to say, but... I read the book Baby Wise before having Mags and even though I didn't follow it precisely, there were aspects that I LOVED and I'm so grateful I followed.
Routine... but the routine is always supposed to be:
Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Play (or stare). Sleep. I never nursed Maggie to sleep, not even at night... every time I got physically up and nursed her, then changed her, then put her back to bed (I know that some people roll their eyes at this, and I totally understand, but if you're really struggling it's worth the effort). The whole concept is to never teach your baby to associate nursing with sleeping. I always let her put herself to sleep. I also would let her cry it out, but I started really really early, so she learned to soothe herself quite quick. She's been a good sleeper from day one, but I also know that every kid's different, so hang in there. Oh man... I'm sure I'll be posting a "help me please" post when I have another baby... Good luck!

LindsayB said...

i'm most likely not one to offer advice here (since i can't remember what i did with alli, wait actually i did follow the above mentioned baby wise with decent results) because, well, JAMES. so i say, it is just a phase, it will pass. and even if it isn't a phase and it doesn't pass for a very loooong time, it gets ya through another day. another day of being a zombie and crying (you not him) and asking yourself why...WHY? and then days and months and a year passes and suddenly you can by on less and less sleep and the devil horns don't come out on a daily basis (ok, they always come out on a daily basis.) do whatever you have to do to keep your sanity.
that didn't help at all did it?

Christal said...

poor girl! i hope you it gets better soon i know how totally exhausting it is! we did the cry it out thing and within the first week and half it worked so i don't know if thats advice or not but we did it with our last two feels mean at first but if you know everything you can do has been done then stick to it. good luck though maybe he could sleep over here and then roman wouldn't get woke up ha ha i do want another baby !! hope your sleeping better soon. ttys

Jacklyn said...

Ahh the life of these little children. Luke the 3 year old got up at 4 the other day and wanted to watch "buzz" and finally at 6 I let him. And Lily slept perfectly through the night from 2-5 months and then she quit! and now she is one and pretty much sleeps with us so I have no help to give accept that maybe just let him cry it out and see if that works. Also maybe he doesn't like your bed and he would do better on his own, do you have a pack n play you could stick him in? anyway good luck I swear these kids are taking away our youthful beauty because of lack of sleep!!!

Cheryl said...

Each child is totally different. Sadie was cholic so it was a total nightmare. But I do know that as soon as I move her to her own bed and out of ours she was much better. I think as they get a little older and more alert they become more wakeful. Ellie and Vanden were very similar. With them I had a white noise maker I've seen ones from Homedics that make rain noises and stuff like that. Ours has a train setting and I always put it on when Vanden sleeps. It seems to help blot out all the noise my other kids make and he gets used to it. I don't know if you have something that makes light pictures on the wall. We had one of those old school lamps with the plastic shade that turned and made pictures rotate on the walls (I'm hoping this makes sense) We used that with Sadie when we let her "cry it out" She would watch the lights dance and the pictures move and eventually drift off. I would sneak in after she was asleep and turn it off. I'm sorry that he's more wakeful, I know how badly I need my sleep, so I feel for ya.

Dixie said...

I can't remember what I told you when you asked me this, but thought I would say, I'm with Shawna--give him some rice. I know they say not to give babies solids too soon, but it may be he needs more than just milk to last the night. The rice might make him satisfied longer and/or make the crying it out more effective.
--just the mother-in-law
P.S. Man you have C-U-T-E kids!!!!

Christal said...

Totally with dixie too I forgot we did that kolten was on solids at three months when we started him on solids right before bedtime we'd feed him up and he'd sleep so much better and longer sometimes it is cause they are just hungry kids who need some solid loving food!! hope this all helps! ttys