27 April 2010

spoke too soon

Well remember a few days ago when I was talking about being pregnant, lets just pretend that never happened...
Had a miscarriage yesterday. 12 weeks.
Just thought I would use the blog to let everyone know so I can hopefully avoid it face to face as much as possible.
I'm actually doing better than I would have thought I would. I kinda had some vague symptoms and had to wait a bit to see a doctor and then it all happened on it's own. So with the waiting time I kinda came to terms with it.

These two have helped immensely without even knowing it.
And of course Brad. I can't even express how much. I love you B.

When the first symptoms stared I knelt down to pray and the words just wouldn't come to me. I knew at that moment the baby was gone. I prayed for strength and comfort and have received it tenfold. My usual pessimistic attitude has turned glass half full and I feel quite peaceful. Very very sad, but peaceful at the same time. I feel loved by my husband, by my family, by my friends, and by my Father in Heaven.

24 April 2010


Did I get your attention? Guess you should have been at Lin's house last night and you would know what I am talking about...
I love that I have such great friends. Really do feel blessed. Especially because I have been a bit of a grumpy recluse the last few months and they just smile. The also let me complain about my butt that has literally doubled in size over the past three weeks. If you haven't been around to be lucky enough to hear my go on and on about how much weight I have gained then you don't know I pregnant. Yep, baby three is three months down six months to go. Due November 9th-ish. I say later but whatever. Anyway, this has been a hard pregnancy. Been so much sicker than the other two. My parents have been awesome (we are still living in their basement - only a few more months till the house is done) letting me nap and be lazy and sleep in. But I'm starting to feel better. But the hardest part has been the weight gain. I can honestly say I did not complain once about any weight gain during pregnancy (after is another story!) with the other two. But I have really packed on the pounds. My mom is the only one who will be honest with me and tell me it's true. I think I will be bringing back the 90's and tying a huge sweatshirt around my waist for the next 6 months.
But enough about that. Blogging. Just haven't been feeling it lately. Not just because of the pregnancy. Not because there hasn't been stuff going on. Just not in a bloggy mood. Haven't been taking many pictures. They all look white trash, living in my parent's basement, old ugly stained couch, no room for anything so it's always a mess. Don't believe me? Here you go.
Jealous of my beach towel curtains? How about my pile of clean clothes that really have no home. Dressers piles with crap that just has no where to go. No wonder I am constantly loosing things.

Poor Christal is constantly having to listen to me vent about how I don't feel like myself. I am so grateful to my parents, but I feel like I am lost in this basement. I haven't touched my sewing machine in months. I miss it but I just can't make myself sew. I am super lazy. I just feel kinda stuck in one place with all these things I want to do and be as a mom or a person, but I just can't do them right now. But the house is getting close. And the weather is getting better. We have spent so much time outside all week. So things are starting to look up.
Got all that out of my system, so some good old happy useless blog posts to come. Stay tuned...